


I wish I had never met you

by Aelyth



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Different reality, It hurt me to simply proofread it, M/M, No Romance, This is just all so sad, Youngjae is both a good and a bad person, i don't know why i did this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 02:42:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9154858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aelyth/pseuds/Aelyth
Summary: What if you argued with someone, told them that you wished that you'd never met, and woke up the next morning in a world where you're nothing to them?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi again :)  
> I was inspired today, so I decided to write this little thing. I did proofread it but honestly, it's 3am and I'm far from being fluent in english so please excuse the mistakes you may find throughout your reading.  
> This is plain sad so if you looked for something fluffy, you didn't ring the right door haha, but still, enjoy your reading, and happy new year ♡  
> (ps: I wrote it listening to the most emotional music playlist of hdsoundi on youtube, if you need a music background to read haha)

\- Youngjae, are you listening to me ?

Raising his head, Youngjae met Jackson's eyes, a confused expression painted on his face.

\- Are you sure you're okay ?

His friend's voice was the same as always – but something felt off.

Looking around, he eventually realized that he was at Jackson's place, sitting on his couch, leftovers disposed on the table that separated the two of them. It was almost midnight, according to the clock that was the only thing filling the silence at the time, and as far as Youngjae remembered, he _never_ stayed that late at Jackson's, mostly because the latter worked early in the morning and went to sleep just as early to pursue what he called a healthy lifestyle.

\- Yeah, yeah, what were you saying ?

\- Nevermind, it wasn't important. Are you done with the history essay ? I tried to write it like thrice already but man, I barely understood anything to the lesson.

Something was _definitely_ off.

Youngjae wasn't crazy – he was pretty much _sure_ that they had graduated almost two years ago and that Jackson started to work at the small organic shop down the street. So for Jackson to bring up a _history essay_ , which meant that they were still going to school – what on earth was going on ?

\- You're kidding, right ?

\- What about ?

\- Why would you have to write a history essay ?

There was _no way_ his friend wasn't pranking him. But the concerned look on Jackson's face quickly shut his playful smile, and so did his answer.

\- Why would _I_ have to write an essay ? It's _our_ last year of highschool and it concerns you as well, you know ?

Youngjae blinked, his expression probably reflecting the meltdown he was having internally.

Spotting his phone on the table, he pushed a button only to realize that Jackson wasn't kidding – the date that appeared was _December 13_ _th_ _, 2015_ . It was indeed during their last year of highschool, but most importantly, it was the day he and Jaebum _started dating_.

 

_« I wish we never met._

_\- Get out of my house. »_

 

Youngjae wasn't one to believe in witchcraft, nor did he believe in destiny and everything supernatural related. But he had to admit that he was facing a wall – he clearly remembered violently arguing with Jaebum, leaving his house and heading to Jinyoung's, so _why_ and _how_ was he back two years earlier, on a day he remembered with a painful accuracy, sitting on Jackson's couch like nothing ever happened?

\- I'm not feeling well, I should.. go home.

\- You _are_ home, did something happen to you today ? You've been acting like you've seen a ghost for the past twenty minutes.

He did live at his friend's place during the first semester – but didn't he leave at the end of November after Jinyoung's parents decided to take him in because he, actually, argued with Jackson who viscously _hated_ Jaebum and was _totally_ against the idea of them together ? If he was still living there, it could only mean one thing : he never fought with him over Jaebum, because there was no Jaebum in his life. They had never met. What he wished for, a few hours earlier, _came true_. 

 

Sitting on what he recognized to be his bed, Youngjae tried to understand the recent events without audibly freaking out – Jackson already understood that something was wrong with his friend, but he couldn't let him know that he was _sort of coming from a parallel universe_ , because who would believe that ? Not even Youngjae himself, actually. There _had_ to be an explanation, people don't just switch universes when it's convenient, he was probably just having a lucid dream that turned out to be extremely vivid, or more like a lucid _nightmare_ , to be more precise. One doesn't just travel back in time to live an entire life without someone else, he didn't want that, he _never_ wanted that to happen, although he _did_ wish for it out of anger. He sure wished to go back in time after their argument because it was all nonsense and they should have never argued in the first place, but that would have been _a few hours earlier_ at most. He found comfort in the fact that if they were back in highschool, that meant he'd meet Jaebum there – and maybe was he aware of what happened as well, that was the _only_ hope Youngjae could hold onto, now.

  

 

If he didn't believe in destiny, Youngjae sure believed that life hated him. Going to highschool on a monday morning had always been part of the things he hated _the most_ and today was no different. Particularly since he had already graduated, going back to school felt like the most unbearable burden to him. He blamed himself for having _way too much_ imagination, still trying to convince himself that this was all a dream, but even in the hypothesis of being dreaming, he couldn't miss one day of school. Not that he was scared for his attendance grade, but he _needed_ to talk to Jaebum, and highschool was the only place he was sure to find him.

\- You didn't come with Jackson today ?

 _Jinyoung_.

Youngjae didn't know why, but he felt extremely relieved to know that his friend was still waiting for him every morning in this world as well – as silly as it sounded. At least, that meant not _everything_ had changed, and he was really grateful for his childhood bestfriend to still be the same as he remembered. But of course, he couldn't say that out loud, although his expression probably betrayed him by now.

\- I slept in, so he left first.

\- Wait, you slept in and he left first ? Have you swapped body or something ? Youngjae, are you sick ?

Laughing when Jinyoung put his hand on his forehead, Youngjae had to admit that he hadn't been careful enough – roleplaying himself was harder than he thought, in particular since he changed almost _all_ of his old habits when he started dating Jaebum.

If he remembered well, they'd always be greeted by Mark and Yugyeom when they reached the gate, then part ways to join their own classes, Youngjae usually hanging outside with Jackson a little bit longer since they were still in the same class after all these years. And finally, Youngjae would greet Jaebum while walking down the corridor, Jackson audibly making him know that he wasn't pleased by the sight.

But when they reached the gate, only Jackson greeted them with a cheerful smile – and Youngjae couldn't spot any of his friends in the crowd either. This was starting off awfully.

\- Where are the others ?

\- Others ? Jinyoung and I aren't enough to you?

\- Don't mind me, I dreamt of some of our classmates and I think I'm still a bit sleepy.

Of course they wouldn't be there, since he met the both of them when trying to get closer to Jaebum – although it's Jackson who started to bring them over for lunch as he didn't know the reason why Youngjae was talking to them and was convinced he was just too shy to befriend them. Since they were still friends to this day in the _real_ world, it felt so empty not to see them here, but as helpless as Youngjae felt, he couldn't say anything about it.

One thing that didn't change, was Jaebum's tendency to arrive late. At this point, Youngjae would have expected Jaebum to be going to another school, but no, he clearly stood in front of him, and nothing had ever felt more painful to Youngjae than the realization that he was left alone in this mess he couldn't understand. If Jaebum was even _a tiny bit_ aware of the situation, he would have straight up asked about it, not minding whether Youngjae knew about it or not. But he didn't say anything, he didn't even notice him when he walked by him. And it hurt. It hurt so bad Youngjae thought he was going to burst into tears, right there in the middle of the corridor. No matter what he had said that night, his only wish was to take it back.

 

_« Dating you is the worst mistake I have ever made._

\- _At least that's reciprocal._ _»_

 

Nightmares could only last for so long. And Youngjae wished he'd wake up, because the little he had experienced in this world was already too much for him to cope with. He wanted to apologize to Jaebum, for all the horrible things he had said out of anger, out of frustration, because _hell_ , he loved him _so much_ he couldn't imagine living these two years again _without him_. He didn't want a different life – he wanted the messy one he had with Jaebum, with its blissful moments of peace and its chaotic downsides. They were so different and no one ever thought that it'd work out between them but they proved everyone wrong – he didn't want to give up now.

\- Are you still daydreaming or can we go eat lunch ? Jinyoung is waiting for us.

They met Jinyoung at the exact same place they used to hang out with everyone else. Except that it was only the three of them, although it didn't seem to bother anyone but Youngjae. Jackson was naturally friendly but he had never really thought of leaving Jinyoung and Youngjae's sides – they had grown extremely close through years and he found it comfortable to have such stability in a friendship, his life being eventful enough for him not to jump from friends to friends at every opportunity. And Jinyoung just _didn't care_. Looking after the both of them was probably tiring enough and he wasn't really one to befriend every breathing being. The only reason why their group of friends had expanded was Youngjae's crush on Jaebum, his silly attempts to get close to people he thought could help and how Jackson had misunderstood the whole thing for a long time.

 _It was all_ e _mpty without them._

Jinyoung and Jackson were talking about the upcoming exams, Jackson whining that it was _too soon_ and that he didn't have enough time to study, and Youngjae just ate quietly, listening to their conversation – if he knew both graduated in the _other world_ , he couldn't tell whether it'd be the case here. Jackson had pulled countless all-nighters studying with Mark for the finals, but there wasn't any Mark to help him this time, and Jinyoung was terrible at teaching anything because he lacked of patience. This was most definitely a nightmare, as everything seemed to be going wrong.

\- Jaebum ! Give me my earphones back !

Looking straight ahead, Youngjae recognized who yelled his boyfriend's name ; it was Yugyeom's cousin whom he met numerous times in the weirdest situations – if he remembered well, his name was Bambam. He hadn't seen the boy since he graduated from highschool, Yugyeom rarely bringing him over when they met – not that they didn't like each others, they were absolutely unbearable together, but Yugyeom liked to brag about how he had a group of friends to hang out with while his cousin was mostly tagging along in students' parties. But Youngjae didn't remember him and Jaebum being friends, hence why he found the scene quite unusual. And Jaebum looked _so_ cheerful Youngjae felt hurt by the sight. He was a transferred student who arrived in the middle of October, and barely ever talked to anyone until Youngjae tries to approach him. If he looked intimidating, he wasn't that much of a bad boy – he only had countless bad habits and a lifestyle that irked Jackson to no end. And Youngjae knew, he knew _better than anyone else_ , that he _never_ looked so cheerful until they become friends. He never talked to anyone until _he_ talked to him. He had never seen his smile until _he_ made a fool out of himself in front of him and finally got to hear his _so_ melodious laughter. As Jinyoung would say, Youngjae brought the sun into his cloudy life – and it was hard to accept that it'd have been the same way if _they never met_.

 

_« If you didn't treat our relationship like a joke, maybe I wouldn't have wasted two years of my life._

_\- We knew this wouldn't go anywhere, it's not my fault for not realizing it soon enough. »_

 

Youngjae remembered the day he first talked to Jaebum more or less precisely. He slept over at Jinyoung's the night before and overestimated his capacity to wake up on time after spending the whole night working on a presentation. Jinyoung had left without him, not wanting to arrive late – not after trying to wake him up _every five minutes,_ but Youngjae still had to run if he wanted to arrive on time. Unfortunately, he arrived after the bell rang, and ended up in detention for the first time of his life. Quite a lucky person at the time, according to how one defines lucky, Jaebum arrived just as late and got sent to detention on the same day, giving Youngjae a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity to _finally_ approach him – after two weeks of almost _stalking_ him to find a convenient way to befriend him. If he expected the conversation to be incredibly awkward and embarrassing, Youngjae got surprised by how naturally they actually managed to talk about diverse topics, and that only made him fall in love with him _slightly_ more. The following days, he'd greet him every morning, let his friends alone to walk home with him after school , and text him until he was too tired to hold his phone at night. Their friendship grew slowly but steadily, and on the 13  th  of december, Jaebum asked him out – and he accepted with the same enthusiasm as someone answering a marriage proposal.

_But that was all over._

The sky was painted in orange and pink nuances as they were walking home, and Youngjae was quite far behind Jackson and Jinyoung, lost in his thoughts for the hundredth time of the day. But his friends seemed to have understood that something was bothering him, and decided not to ask him about it. They had rarely seen Youngjae upset – he embodied happiness and with Jackson by his side, he never had the time to even think of anything upsetting. But when he wasn't in the mood to talk, they'd leave him alone until he brings the matter up by himself, because forcing him would only result in him distancing himself from them until whatever bothered him disappeared. But would there be an end to the current situation ? If it was a dream, when was he going to wake up ? Following Jackson to his place once they had parted ways with Jinyoung, Youngjae could only think of how _impatient_ he was to finally go to sleep. _Maybe_ that would sign the end of his curse.

 

_« Do you care about me the way I care about you ?_

_\- ... »_

 

The next morning, Youngjae hid himself under the blankets before even turning his alarm off. He knew, the moment he opened his eyes, that he wasn't at Jackson's anymore, nor was he at he and Jaebum's appartment, and in _no way_ was he expecting to face _another day_ in a reality that wasn't his. But the constant beeping of the device eventually annoyed him enough for him to get up – in the end, he would have had to face his nightmare in a way or another.

_April 29 th  , 2017. _

That was _exactly_ eight months before their argument.

Except for the day itself, there was nothing particular about the date – however, it helped Youngjae understand _where_ he ended up this time, and that is a couple weeks after the beginning of his second year of college, in what he assumed to be his room at some kind of dorm, considering how _small_ the bedroom was. Since he started to live with Jaebum _right after_ highschool ended, he had no idea what he would have done if they never dated – he now had his answer. The place wasn't so bad, but it did lookequite empty. Looking through some papers on his desk, he sighed in relief at the sight of his id card – at least, he was studying at the same college he « used to ». What scared him the most now, was to know what happened _to everyone else_.

Youngjae assumed that it was in the continuation of what happened the day before, if he could call it this way, and opened his messages fearing for the worst. A small grin appeared on his face when he read Jackson and Jinyoung's names on the screen, along with a few other people he decided to believe were his classmates. Apparently, he was supposed to meet Jackson at a café at nine in the morning, and peeking at the time, Youngjae almost threw his phone away to gather clothes and head to the shower.

Although he still didn't know how to react to whatever was happening to him, Youngjae believed that if he played along, things would eventually go back to normal. He couldn't tell whether he was dreaming or the victim of some godlike conspiracy, but what he knew was that he didn't have any other choice than waking up in the morning and fake being the person everyone expected him to be, looking for clues on how to get out of there. At least, the city hadn't changed and he could find the café quite easily, joining Jackson at a table – and his friend looked particularly joyful this day.

\- You have good news, don't you ?

\- Are you curious ?

\- I sure am, what is it about ?

\- Well, remember about that internship I had to find for the second semester ?

In the _real_ world, Jackson had decided not to enter college to have the time to work in order to help his family with their financial problems and because his grades weren't high enough to enter some elite college anyways – so no, Youngjae didn't quite know about what his friend had to do for the second semester.

\- I sent a few letters to different pharmaceutical laboratories and they _all_ accepted ! They were impressed at my grades and said that they'd gladly receive me for an interview !

\- Wait, seriously ? That's awesome, your hardwork truly paid off !

\- I couldn't believe it when I received the answers, I thought someone was pranking me so I called each laboratory and when they all confirmed I felt like I won a worldwide competition. I'd say that Jinyoung is gonna be jealous but he'd bring up his own achievements and, no thank you.

Their conversation was so lighthearted yet Youngjae's heart had never felt heavier. Jackson was majoring in medicine and Jinyoung apparently managed to enter the best business school of the country, the one he failed to enter in the _original world_ – he actually failed to enter in two of the best business schools and spent a good two months being bitter about it although the school he _did_ enter was above everything Youngjae ever thought of reaching.

\- How is your essay about the French revolution going, by the way ? You've been working on it for a week, I thought you wouldn't come today since it's due tomorrow and the last time we talked, you weren't quite close to being done.

\- Going.. okay, I guess ? You know I always find a way to make it through.

He was _majoring in history_ . Youngjae was studying in the same university, but _majoring in history_ . Then again, it made sense. He decided to study Arts because Jaebum pushed him to do so, as he knew it was what Youngjae _truly_ wanted to do. But out of all the things he could have been studying, why _the hell_ did he choose history?

\- You better find a way, though, I wouldn't want for you to repeat your first year a third time.

 

_« Isn't it funny how you brought me both freedom and chains?_

_\- You chained yourself up, I didn't do anything. »_

 

It was the middle of the afternoon when Youngjae decide to leave his spot near Han River. After his conversation with Jackson, he had suddenly felt the urge to run away, sick of hearing what was happening to him in this cursed world. He was surprised Jinyoung still had any esteem for him after he repeated his first year of college, considering that he was supposedly the most studious of the trio after Jinyoung. Not that Jinyoung was a bad friend, but he had little respect for people who didn't take their studies seriously – and whatever happened to lead at such a result probably wasn't glorious.

Joining the busy streets again, Youngjae decided to do something stupid – he was going to look for Jaebum. In the real world, his boyfriend was working in a music store that wasn't so far from where he currently was, if his memories weren't all mixed up by now. But when he found the place, the one he remembered at least, it seemed to have been closed for quite some time. The location was far from being ideal and they never had a lot of customers, but Youngjae remembered how happy Jaebum was to work there. He never complained, never wished he worked somewhere else. He liked how peaceful it was and how much he was paid – everything was going fine. But apparently, he had found something better, like every single person Youngjae knew, apparently.

It wasn't until late in the evening that Youngjae finally found Jaebum. Lost in the city, having no idea how to get back to the dorms, he had decided to look for the subway and go straight to his college – from there, he should be able to find a way back home. But when he passed by that one singing bar, he _immediately_ recognized that melodious voice. The voice that sworn to only ever sing _for him_ . Jaebum was there, on the small stage at the back of the bar, a mic in his hand and a wide smile on his face. People were cheering for him, a lot had gathered around the bar to appreciate his performance, and Youngjae felt left aside _once more_ . That was a dream of his, to sing in front of other people, but he decided to only compose and write for other artists as he was too shy to get up on stage by himself, no matter how much Youngjae tried to encourage him. But not only did he sound confident that night, he also _looked_ confident. And he looked so passionate Youngjae would have died from admiration if this happened under different circumstances. But tonight, it was Jaebum and Youngjae, each on their own, without anything to do with one another. The last time he realized that Jaebum would never be in his life again, he tried to contain his tears. This time, he just couldn't. The frustration, the anger, the sadness, it was all too much for him to handle. And in the streets, at night, he ran.

 

_« Everything could have been different if you tried._

_\- Do you really think I'm the one who fucked everything up ? »_

 

The next day, Youngjae woke up late in the afternoon with the strong idea of making a change. He had seen the date on his phone's screen for less than five seconds but knew _exactly_ where this was going. It was the day of their argument. The day that changed _everything_ . He didn't know whether he was dreaming, cursed or anything else, but what he knew was that he could definitely not stay in _whatever that place was_ forever. After gathering the usual information, mostly being whether he was still friends with Jackson and Jinyoung and _where_ he was living this time, Youngjae left his appartment more determined than ever. He remembered that the both of them were invited to some party thrown by their old highschool, and if they didn't go because they argued in the real world, Youngjae maybe had a chance to meet him there in this world, or so he hoped. But the more he approached the school, the less confident he felt, and once he reached the gate, he had to take a deep breathe before even thinking of entering.

\- I can't believe you came, I thought you'd avoid this place forever after graduating.

\- It was a good opportunity to reunite with you and Jackson, the three of us haven't been together since forever.

\- You make a point here. We're just all so _busy_..

Youngjae had answered randomly but he felt relieved knowing that he wasn't wrong. Jinyoung's answer, however, left a bitter feeling in Youngjae's heart. It's not like he hadn't noticed. In this world, his friends were living such better lives. They were all successful, living their dreams and looking much more happier than he had ever known them. Meanwhile, he was the one who failed in literally _everything_ , and probably still had friends because they pitied him and couldn't leave him alone by fear that he manages to worsen his situation. But, wasn't it fairplay ? After all, in the other world, he was the one who lived in bliss pursuing his drama-like romance with the least worries in the world, while his friends were all working hard to achieve a feeling of satisfaction that was _never enough_ . The sudden thought made Youngjae feel sick, and he excused himself to take a deep breathe where no one could see him. He _deserved_ that curse. _He_ was the one who started to reproach Jaebum absolutely _everything and nothing_ because he got blinded by his ephemeral feeling of complete bliss. _He_ was the one who didn't have any goal and hold onto Jaebum to make the choices for him and raise him up when he knew he couldn't make it alone. He hid behind the safe feeling Jaebum procured him, and was now just facing what he _should_ have faced in the first place.

 

 _« Without me, Youngjae, there is no_ _**you** _ _._ _»_

 

Entering the stadium where the party was supposed to be held, Youngjae looked for Jaebum in the only hope to contradict his own thoughts – he didn't want to admit that he was responsible for this whole situation, he didn't want to realize that he was stuck in this world forever because of his _own_ mistakes. Youngjae didn't know where Jinyoung and Jackson were, but he didn't care. His friends would be better off without him to slow them down. They'd be so, so much happier if _they never met_ . Just like Jaebum, whom he had finally spotted in a corner of the room. Passionately kissing someone Youngjae had never seen before, he seemed to be living in _pure bliss_ and having the time of his life, surrounded by people who seemed to appreciate him a lot more than he ever had – and Youngjae's heart broke, once more. He had never seen him so happy before. He had never _made him_ so happy. He had never made _anyone_ happier than they currently were. In the end, he shouldn't have been the one to wish for having never met Jaebum – everyone else should have wished they never met him.

 

 _«_ _If you go now, then whatever happens next is up to you._ _»_

 

The last thing he would have expected was to wake up _another time_ . In the middle of the afternoon, once again. In the same room, once again. Finding his phone at the same place as the day before, he dropped it the second he read the date. _Again_ . He had reached the last day of this cursed timeline, and it was now playing on repeat. _He deserved it_.

Youngjae still didn't know what happened to the him of the real world, but what he did know was that he was probably never going back. He came to the realization that it was definitely not a dream, and decided to consider it a punishment for everything he had done in _the real world_. He had been greedy for a simple life and chose the most secure path, ignoring whatever the others were going through, only to blame the one who sacrificed _everything_ for him once he realized that he couldn't accomplish anything by himself. So he considered that the punishment was _well-deserved_. When he thought that he was a good friend to anyone, he never realized how much they all sacrificed for _his_ well-being. And now, he knew.

He knew that if he had never met Jaebum, everyone would have been allowed to live a better life.

 

 _«_ _I'm better off without you._

 _\- Lies, all lies._ _»_

 

**Author's Note:**

> (I am so, so sorry. I love Youngjae and he's the most valuable person on that planet and my love for him is endless and I don't know why he ended up being both the victim and the responsible for everything but please don't take it personally I promise that it's never gonna happen again)  
> If you're reading this, it means that you've read through the whole thing so THANK YOU♡ whether you liked it or not, if you could please take the time to comment and tell me what you thought or how I could improve, that'd mean a lot to me.  
> It's my first time writing an alternate universe of this kind (like, a literal alternate universe a character is conscious of) so it's probably a bit messy but I want to hope that it made sense. What happened to Youngjae in the real world is up to your imagination, I didn't want to tag the story with a major character death because it has never been stated that Youngjae died after all huhu.  
> Thank you again for reading and see you another time! ♡


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